Parenthood is a Relationship, Not a Checklist
The constant checklist is overwhelming and exhausting! Here are my tried and true tips on how to reframe your thoughts to save your sanity.
I’m a planner. I feel a certain sense of control when I can make a list and cross things off. If I am faced with disorganization or chaos, I like to take actionable steps towards change. As a new Mom this would often take the form of making a chart for when she will nap, feed and play to the minute. That structure felt comforting and soothes the part of me that values consistency, control, and predictability.
BUT, having a baby is everything BUT predictable, consistent and controlled. Having a baby is filled with change and those changing conditions impact their sleep—if it is not teething, it is a developmental leap or a growth spurt requiring more food.
If we are not careful as parents, we start to treat parenthood like one long Excel spreadsheet of data and lists ☑️ ☑️ ☑️ and forget to enjoy each day, each moment and each new budding change.
The two are not mutually exclusive and in fact it is a blend of the two—make the list, AND enjoy the journey.
For parents what is required of us is patience, flexibility, and the ability to understand that making a plan is as important as the ability to pivot mid plan.
This is what the books and the online courses may not be able to provide and this is why often times parents turn to me with a request for support.
Tips for Cultivating Balance during Parenthood
Identify what your core desired feeling state is for the day—what is it that you want to drive to carry you throughout the day?
Is it:
- grace,
- peace,
- flow,
- calm,
- joy?
Then identify one or two thoughts that will remind you to anchor back to that.
The phrase “all is well” was a meaningful choice for me because as a new mother I was so prone to worry. It could be as simple as writing "enjoy the little things" on a Post It note.
After you have your anchor phrase, decide what actions you will take to create that state of feeling.
Some examples might include:
- Take a bath while baby naps or take a bath with your baby!
- Stretch
- Cry
- Enjoy a warm bowl of soup
- Walk in nature, go to the beach
- Put down the phone and stare at the clouds
- Write a letter to your baby
- Put on some feel-good music and lay on the floor and watch your baby play...like REALLY watch her play. And be present. And if you notice your mind wandering back to your to do list, recite your anchor phrase (e.g. "all is well") to help you return to the present moment.
Whatever it is, be sure it is aligned with the state you wish to create.
That combination between being intentional about THOUGHT and ACTION will shift you out of that excel spreadsheet obsessed state and into enjoying the relationships you have.
Striking a Healthy Balance during Parenthood
Some days, you will nail it and other days…. not so much. But that is ok though because what you are cultivating and practicing is BALANCE.
The balance between doing and being, between the relationship between you and your baby, you and your partner, you and yourself AND your To Do List.
I am in full support of maintaining a To Do List but if it is running your life and keeping you from the magic of watching your baby grow and develop, then there might be room for some small and important adjustments.
I wish you well on this exploration.
About the Author
Hi, I’m Sarah. As a mother of two, I quickly learned that sleep is influenced by a variety of factors and there is not one RIGHT way to help baby sleep. Both of my daughters had unique temperaments and struggles, and I was humbled to learn that newborns are complicated and parenting in a world of information overload is stressful.
Now, I partner with parents to create a tailored plan using an evidence-based and multidimensional approach to sleep. I take great care in co-creating a plan that takes into account all of the factors that makes each family unique, including parenting philosophies, infant temperament and readiness, age, weight gain, health and development and much more. To date, I have helped over 2,000 families.
If you're ready to teach baby to sleep independently and feel like someone’s got your hand through all of this, contact me. Tell me more about what you’re facing and I can answer your questions about my approach to working with families and offer a personalized plan that gives you the support you and your family deserve. 🫶
